Segue Journal...the final entry from a journal that follows a journey from Benin, to Liberia, to South Africa..through laughter, tears, discovery, awe, adventure, beauty, pain, friendship, fear, praise, prayer, worship, a broken heart, and the sweetest, most intimate times with God.....



So I’ve travelled to Africa, falling more in love with God, and in turn falling in love with His people. I’ve sailed the seas, swallowed the seasickness, and served Him. I’ve seen God’s faithfulness follow me wherever I’ve gone, and even where I’m not, He’s still faithful. I’ve spent hours in lectures, except this stuff wasn’t about passing exams or getting a degree. It was about life, our God, our Daddy, our Lord and Saviour, our relationship with Him, and His heart for justice, and the poor and needy in this fallen world. I’ve put rocks in place to stand as a firm foundation for the rest of my walk with Him. I’ve learnt to let Him love me as a Father. I’ve let Him break my spirit of comparison and allow me to stand proud in who I am and who He created me to be : a princess of the King, yet still Daddy’s little girl. I’ve done more strange and random things onboard the Anastasis that I can even remember. I’ve crawled around in medical supply holds, fed the crew the first time I set food in the galley, cleaned the Captain’s toilet, and been stood on deck in the middle of the night wearing my life jacket and carrying my survival pack as a fire burnt in the generator room….that was fun. I’ve taught the crew to Ceilidh dance, scrubbed the windows of the bridge hanging off the outside, and worked in the lifeboats all whilst at sea (that was after the fires….) Yet I’ve had the privilege of sailing over the equator, watching phosphorescent plankton glow, and gazing up at the breathtaking tapestry of stars that God created, while I’m in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I’ve watched dolphins and whales, and the bizarre creatures they call flying fish, and have witnessed the most incredible sunrises and sets. I’ve lived in Africa. I’ve eaten more than my fair share of things which should never make it to a plate…fufu, kiss meat, chickens feet, cows intestines, sheep stomach, brains anyone? I’ve sweat more than a lifetimes worth in six months, smelled the worst I’ve ever smelt in my life, and washed myself with a bucket of cold rainwater enough times to have the process down to a fine art. I’ve been squashed between fat mamas in glorified tin cans on wheels (also known as taxis) more times than I wish to recall, and have received a similar number of marriage proposals from men who don’t even know my name. I’ve lived and worked on a team with people from five nations and had the most incredible time doing it. Our life was one long continual gongshow, but we laughed lots, cried lots, prayed lots, worshipped lots, and grew together as we ran together in pursuit of our eternal God. We’ve had our fair share of diseases: malaria, giardia, worms of the exploding and intestinal nature, scabies, boils, strep, and even the common cold (in Africa??) The enemy has tried many a time to attack. As a reslt, we’ve fought many a battle in the spiritual realm. God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good….or so they say in West Africa. Do they really mean it? Did I really believe it six months ago? If I didn’t then, I certainly do now. I’ve been overwhelmed by how God’s worked not only here, but also back home, and by how much I’ve been supported. I’ve seen the scars of war, both the physical bulletholes, and the deeper emotional wounds. I’ve fallen in love with its victims, the children orphaned for abandoned. Dropped off in boxes by prostitute mothers, or having witnessed horrific murder of their parents. Yet I’ve also fallen in love with those who fought the female combatants. I was humbled to have them braid my hair, and to lead them to a place of forgiveness. I’ve spent many hours over the past months with a paintbrush in hand, but whilst improving surroundings and living conditions may have an immediate effect, it’s not just that which God calls us to. Sustainability. Teaching His word, supporting, educating, and empowering into the future. I may not see any of these people I love again until we are in Heaven. Yes, I may have affected their lives somehow, but if they only knew how much they’ve touched mine. I never thought I’d watch someone abuse a child, a child I loved and cared for. Where is the justice in a nation with no infrastructure, no social services, no one who cares? And what can I do now but pray? Where do we fight for justice, and where do we allow for God’s abundant grace? I’ve let Him break me …”Lord break my heart for the things that break yours.” That’s a dangerous prayer if ever I’ve heard one. I’ve struggled hands down. I’ve wrestled with things in my head and in my heart, often reluctant to let them go back into His hands. There have been tears. Many of them, many times. But also a joy and a peace that passes my meagre human understanding. Those who sow in tears will reap in songs of joy says the Lord. I’ve been ruined for the ordinary. I’m learning God’s unforced rhythms of grace. I’ve run this leg of the race and now this chapter of the journey is over. It’s so hard to say goodbye. To Africa, to the land, the people, the children, and to my team mates…my brothers and sisters in Christ who are soon to be far flung around the world. Yet He has opened to door to blessing on the next stage of my life, and we must all move forward in our individual journeys. But He is good, and He is faithful, and He knows the plans He has for me. If feels like I’ve come so far, yet I know that this is only the beginning…..

July 2005